My therapist says I'm Crazy

The $200,000 Question

2010-06-22T07:48:00.005-04:00

My mouth slowly opened. I felt my chin drop to the floor. "Oh my God...." I said, out loud. "What is it?" my customer, a girl who works at the pet store across from me, asked. I shook my head to bring me back, "Eh, nothing." What a lie. It certainly was something. Nothing to be explained to a perfect stranger however. She left and I quickly asked to use the bathroom. I speed walked through the door, grabbed my phone and texted. "I just fucking saw you. Nice hat."

Send.

I slipped my phone into my pocket. Now, completely rattled, I had to return to my job. Flustered, I couldn't think straight. I was stumbling over my words. Having customers repeat their orders. I was acting like I was retarded.

I couldn't stop thinking about him, and the brief moment I saw him, floating down on the escalators. Was he coming back? Was he still in the mall? Why'd he come this way, was he expecting to see me?

I slink out to the bathroom again. "1 Message." "I think I blushed a bit on the way down." He DID see me! I texted back, "I said Oh my God and blushed as well. I kind of wish you came by."

A few texts and a few hours of cleaning the store, I was out of there! Still, in shock. What did this mean? We didn't even meet and I'm acting like a fucking 12 year old who just saw Justin Bieber. I couldn't think straight. I loved seeing him, but at the same time it was just a joke. A tease. How could this one moment mean so much? No words exchanged, not even a glance. He was turned away, talking to his girlfriend no less.

I got home. I didn't know what to do with myself. I needed to escape. Texted a friend about going to a bar, he never responded. I ended up drinking alone. Continuously trying to create and hold a conversation with the man I had seen so briefly. Things changed. Again. I was already dealing with the fact that I will never be able to be his friend. To hang out, watch a movie, bullshit about life. But then - then he comes my way and we see each other, in the flesh. We weren't just pictures anymore. Words on an LCD screen. We now exist. Why, why would he come by? I told him not to, it was a waste of time. That I'm never there. He finally told me he loved her, he finally admitted it to himself. So why would he go and do such a thing? His girlfriend, not even the slightest idea why he was smiling. Why they were at this end of the mall. The images running through his head, completely unknown to her. Me, unknown.

It's nearing 3 in the morning. I've been up and moving since 7:30. I wasn't tired. I can't sleep with this confusion, these questions. I took Tylenol PM. Two. I knew I'd be sleeping well into the afternoon that day. But that's what I wanted. Sleep is the only escape I'm allotted. The combination of alcohol and the Tylenol was certainly a different and interesting feeling. I couldn't really enjoy though. I just wanted unconsciousness to come. One last text was sent, before he and I both passed out. It was left with a question, whether or not I wanted to continue texting him. I fell asleep with those questions in my head. In my daze over the next 12 hours, they were still there. In and out, it was a restless sleep. Why continue texting him if we could never have a real relationship, of any sort? What's the point? He's not interested in my hobbies, my interests. I'm his 'lustbunny.' Nothing but a fantasy. He doesn't want to know about my day. About my ferrets. About the idiotic customer I had while working.

I. Am. On. Repeat.

Fucking Karma

2010-03-17T12:36:00.002-04:00

Generally, I'm a good person. I'm reliable, honest, hardworking. But apparently none of that matters.

I recently moved from the shithole that is Chesapeake, VA back home to MA. Things down there sucked. People are vain (I felt I was in LA just without so much plastic), the one friend I had wasn't really a friend. My roommates ended up hating me because of my ferrets. Granted, I didn't handle various situations as I probably should have, although it was certainly handled better than it could have been.

So what happened? Instead of getting transferred, my boss put in my 'resignation.' So I haven't worked since Feb, 28. I didn't know this had even happened until last week, I thought things were cruising along perfectly before that.

Is this karma working against me? If so why is it ALWAYS happeneing to me, and seemingly no one else? It seems these issues are always so immediate. I feel I'm paying for things from a past life because I really don't think this should be happening to me. My life has been rough as is, I don't need things being fucked up for me any more.

I should've never left Pittsburgh. Moving to Chesapeake was the worst thing I could've done.

Also, boycott Office Depot!

2010-02-18T03:06:00.002-05:00

No death. Although I've wanted it. I'm never going to be able to be committed to someone because I don't want kids. No one wants to marry someone and decide, oh hey, no kids. The point of marriage is to start a family.

The few guys out there who don't want kids, are already taken.

I'm going to be moving back home to MA shortly. I'm actually just regressing at this point.

I manage to either piss off or be pissed off at everyone I know. I can't stay happy. I can't be happy. I try, and when I think I'm happy, something happens to put me right back where I started.

I'm just a blob taking up space. Pissing everybody off. I have no use, none. Something new comes along, and it just happens again. Worthless. Trash.

I don't see the end

2008-02-24T16:14:00.004-05:00

I've had suicidal thoughts before. This time is different because I actually want to go through with it.

I had a lot of Tylenol last night. It did nothing but made me sleep. It seems overdosing on drugs such as that is pretty much impossible. Sleeping pills would be ideal, but those won't work either. They just make you sleep for days on end. I can't slit my wrists. I don't have the guts and it would take too long. I don't have a gun. I can't hang myself, that takes too long as well. Jumping could work, but the chance of surviving is too high.

Ideally, I want to down a bottle of sleeping pills, get a lot of vodka, and take various other prescribed drugs to off me. The sleeping pills might work in the fact that if I'm sleeping a lot my blood sugar could plummet. But adrenaline usually kicks in and pumps it back up.

I don't know which drugs I could get. Morphine would work. That's not exactly a drug you can just happen upon though.

As I've said before, nothing works out in the way I want them too. I was cursed the second I was born. For reasons unknown to me. I can't help but wonder why I've suffered so much, what I did in a past life that has made me this way.

Most suicide stories you hear about, something happened and the person is just too pathetic to handle it. What happened was life changing yes, but could be fixed/helped. My situation though......I have yet to see another in the same situation as me. My life has been a continuous struggle over things that I don't have control over. I'm always getting screwed over by something or someone. I used to believe there was a purpose for me being here, but now I think I'm only here to be laughed at by God. I'm his personal joke. I have nothing, and have nothing to offer.

So why am I still here. Being tortured.

Unknown

2008-01-28T01:47:00.000-05:00

Thursday I quit my job. 5 minutes ago I broke up with Tim. I don't know how I feel. I've just been so stressed lately. I guess I've run out of emotion.

In a way I feel like my relationship with Tim isn't over. And that in the morning, he will have apologized, come back, and we'd be together.

I couldn't tell you if our relationship would last forever, but I thought it would have lasted a while longer.

I'm not sure how things are going to turn out in the future. If we'll have a friendship. How our living arrangement will work. I can't avoid him. That's impossible.

I'm at a loss right now. I have nothing to do, nor do I even know what to do.

I got shit on today

2007-07-19T23:28:00.000-04:00

Or should I say my life has been shit on?

Yes yes. I feel betrayed, abused, used, and generally low.

I need to realize I'm better off, it's him, not me, and as usual, I just need to get through this.

Tim, my friend and now neighbor, has helped me a lot through this. He's here now keeping me from crying. Ugh, it's just been a roller coaster with Matt.

I shouldn't be sad, but I am. I don't have the money to repair my laptop. I work so hard, yet have nothing. I feel I'm behind in everything.

I'm out.

Told you so!!!

2007-05-03T22:51:00.000-04:00

Cows are awesome. That's all that needs to be said.

That's a first

2007-04-30T23:16:00.000-04:00

I actually had a good day today.

I worked in Oakland for the first time as manager. It wasn't busy (until the last 15 min. before I closed) so I did a lot of organizing. It's already getting underway!

Of course I still have a whole lot more to do.

But it was simply wondrous NOT listening to whiny little brats and assholes being pissed and idiots on their cell phones yapping. I loved it.

And after work I had passed a used movie/CD store, so I popped in in hopes of finding Spinal Tap. And sure enough I did! It brought me great joy. I almost passed it up too! And it was only $6!

And when I went to get my car from the garage, the pay machines said no credit cards, and that's literally all I had, so the guy at the desk was nice enough to let me out free!

Although I was inside for a majority of the day, I still got to enjoy the beautiful weather.

The day was enjoyed thoroughly, and hopefully there will be many more following.

Moving

2007-04-27T00:03:00.000-04:00

Instead of remaining at SHV until the 30th, we're actually shutting down Sun.

I SHALL BE FREE FROM THE TYRANNY!!!!

Aaaaaaaand hopefully once I get to Oakland I will be able to relax a little since I won't have to worry about the Nazi's patrolling.

And I'll be able to look at cute college boys a lot.

My Master Plan

2007-04-26T01:04:00.000-04:00

If I haven't told you already, my kiosk was robbed sometime between Mon. night and Tues. morning. They took $636 in cash. Nothing else. It was definitely done by someone who is in the mall quite often and knows where we put our cash-box.

I had called mall security that morning, and they came, and go figure they told me they can't do shit and to call the police. So I did.

After a long day of frazzledness, and another day of scheming, I figured out how to exact my revenge on the greedy assholes who run the mall.

I shall alert the press.

And oh yes, it will be brutal.

AWESOME NEWS!!!!!

2007-04-21T17:43:00.000-04:00

I'M GOING TO BE MANAGER AT OUR OAKLAND LOCATION!!!!!!! WWWEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
Not sure if I'll get a raise though :/

Revelation of the week

2007-04-14T12:08:00.000-04:00

It's not people I hate. I hate stupidity, ignorance, and rudeness that people seem to cling to.

I crave attention from others. My worst fear is being alone- without any friends or a significant other. Yes, my pets do help, but I always need someone to talk to.

It's the sheer narcissistic nature of people which I loathe. And yes, I can admit that I have my moments. But some people are just so pig-headed in their ways that they just emulate the worst.

I have met numerous people in which I do like, admire, enjoy their company. But it always seems that they are the ones that drift away, one way or another.

Newbs

2007-04-13T09:18:00.000-04:00

I hate them. Because they're stupid, awkward, and n00bs.

I'm on break from my video class right now. And one of the students looks like the classic sketch
of the Unabomber. Seriously. Just picture the Unabomber with a blue baseball hat and some scruffiness, and you got him.

He was late. And he hasn't removed the sunglasses. And he seems a little hung over, possibly.

Uh oh....

2007-04-12T22:49:00.000-04:00

I suddenly got an incredible nauseated feeling after looking at some peeps who are hotter/prettier/thinner than me. And I seriously am starting to gag.

This cannot be a good thing.

HeeeeYAAAAHHHHHhrrrgggg

2007-04-04T12:55:00.000-04:00

To my dismay school has started up again this week. I was going to drop out of one of the classes, but decided not to because I have a couple of friends in there. Everyone else in that class are newbs.

So I got a lot of work cut out for me. I'm desperately finishing up my room, I'm doing touchups now. I don't get a day off this week, yet I still have no money despite the amount I've been working. It's quite annoying.

So the SHV locale is going to close and I'll be sent over to Oakland so that I can fix that place up. They're not open the same times as the mall, so I may have some problems with that......and less hours too :/

So I came up with an idea for the ashow Wife Swap. Have a man who is an abuser and womanizer switch his stay-at-home slave with a feminist lesbian couple.

I think it'd be entertaining.

The fucking train they have set up here in the mall brings more anguish than joy. Most of the kids who get off the ride and are told they can't ride again, usually end up screaming and bawling their eyes out.

How precious.

Morning Phlegm

2007-03-09T10:55:00.000-05:00

Waking up after a nice nights sleep. Standing up and getting a good stretch.

That's possibly one of the things I most enjoy in my day. The hinderence? Taking a glug of water and not being able to swallow it completely because my throat has been blocked up with snot. How can you get rid of it? Well, it's quite a difficult process. Coughing, chugging water, even shoving your toothbrush down your throat to fish out the clog.

Unfortunately, you can never get it all out. There's always that one little glob that refuses to leave. And it decides your good company, and remains for the rest of the day.

Good morning everyone :)

Another day

2007-03-08T01:13:00.000-05:00

Another long hard day of seemingly accomplishing nothing.

Yesterday really screwed me over. Just when I was getting ahead of the game, I got sick, and I'm behind again within 24 hrs.

Today was long and by the end of the day I started to get a headache and nauseated. :(

I think Andy is a little aggravated since I left early yesterday, but I was in school today and he saw me....

But I really was sick. I can usually handle being sick and doing stuff- but I just felt so low on energy and my stomach wasn't getting any better. I slept and had ginger ale and various salty bland snacks.

I think I'm falling apart. I really need to go to the ER to get the weird rash sort of thing taken care of, because it's not going away either. I just need more time in my week!

So I've been nicely stressed out with work (I need to hire people ASAP!), school I need to catch up in, and just my numerous crazy emotions playing with me.

And the fact that I actually have to be nice with customers at work now- I have to put on a facade and try to get people coming in. I NEED to save the location. If I don't, I may just end up quitting. I'm slowly becoming friends with just about everyone who works at Auntie Anne's, so that's good. Despite my internal shitty attitude/feelings I've strangely been more open to people and talking to them and such. I don't know why, but I do enjoy it.

But, as usual, I know I'll trek through it and come out in flying colors, as I always have.

I'm excited to see my love, my wife, since I miss her so much! And I'm excited and happy for Acey who's been doing so well and is doing what I had hoped he'd do :D In time I'll see him again and we can go to Olive Garden!!!!!!!

I'm off. I have work in the AM and have to be a responsible person. Blegh!

Sickly

2007-03-07T01:45:00.000-05:00

Today I woke up sick. Went to school. Just got worse. So I've been feeling crappy all day. I'm hoping this is just a 24 hr thing. Because I really can't miss my class tomorrow.

After I get better though, I'm going to try to do an all liquid diet with mini solid snacks between meals. I doubt I'll do it. But I would like to invest in a scale to monitor my weight loss and such. Why lose weight and not even know if you did?!

Here's my revelation:

Farting (as well as burping) when sick makes you feel a WHOLE LOT better. HOWEVER- the downfall to this is the smell. For some unknown reason, possibly all the little diseases, make the farts stink like no other. It feels great letting one loose, but when it hits your nostrils, you'll wish you didn't! So folks, I suggest the next time you're sick an need to poot, do it outside. For the sake of yourself, and the ones around you.

The First

2007-03-01T23:27:00.000-05:00

Of March.

And what does that mean?

Nothing really. However I am going to make myself even more awesome than I already am (I know, near impossible) and get in shape and look HOTT. Why? Cause I can. Or should I say cause I want to. I'm sick of being lumpy and lazy and always eating.

I'm not sure how I am going to do this, but I know my food intake will lessen, and I will be drinking a lot of energy drinks so that I don't feel tired and won't get all lazy and do nothing by the end of the day.

Quite the undertaking I think. Can I do it?

Who fucking knows. I guess I need to set a goal for each week. Like, 2 lbs a week? I don't even know if that's too low or too high. Technically, if I were to try to lose 2 lbs a week, it'll take me 10 weeks to get to where I want to be. Eesh! that's 3 and a half months!

This is going to be especially difficult since Easter is around the conrer and you know what that means.

PEEPS AND CADBURY EGGS AHOY!!!!!!

Oh how I love those birds and nuggets of heaven. *ahhhhhhhhh*

But I think that, with the numerous life changes going on right now, I need to change myself along with it. Hopefully for the better.

First entry of the "THINGS I LEARNED TODAY!"

2007-02-02T15:47:00.000-05:00

Today I learned, or I guess realized, that girls who work in cell phone kiosks are generally sluts. I know that doesn't pertain to every single one of them, however the ones that I know and work around are.

A girl, who is only 18, and had just started working at the cell phone kiosk across from me, had aldready worked at Hooters, and banged two of the guys from the cell phone kiosk next to them. She ended up being fired- because she got super drunk and naked at her manager's Halloween party. Currently she is working at a different kiosk location.

The girl in South Hills Village, being very nice, is a "cock tease."

If anyone needs to get their jollies on, I suggest to go to your nearest cell phone kiosk.

Learning everyday.

2007-02-01T01:40:00.000-05:00

I desperately need to get on top of things. I am going to start doing a "What I learned today" blog- probably every week- but ultimately I would like to do it everyday (doubt it).

With me being back in school I have more stuff to talk about and more things to learn! However, I am tired, and I am going to fix up this ol' blog. Make it zazzy.

Gaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

2006-09-06T22:56:00.000-04:00

So, the end of the quarter is nearing: i.e. next week. And Beav is no where near done. At the moment I'm waiting for his eyes to dry, and I'm going to mix up some yummy 30 min. epoxy to coat them with.

None of the movements are made and/or done. I got the servos last night. FINALLY.

Half the class doesn't even have servos because they don't have enough money. But they at least have some cable movements. I'm afraid that I may not even pass. I was going to fur him up, but I need to do another foam. I think I may run it in school, then cook it in my oven. So the following day I can open it up immediately.

I also am going to buy some more fur, white fur, for around the muzzle.

So- I guess I should return to my slaving. This shit needs to be DONE!

I'm fairly certain I will explode.

Oh snap!

2006-09-03T01:16:00.000-04:00

So JR and my 6 month anniversary is next week! It makes me very excited because this is the longest I've been in a relationship!

I'm feeling very creative right now, and I wish I had an endless supply of paint and canvas. I'd go to town!

I'm taking next quarter off, because I desperately need money and I'm going insane.

Here, here!

2006-06-20T23:42:00.000-04:00

I've moved!

Sort of.

I'm in the state of drifting at the moment, as my lease won't start until Jul. 1st. BUT_ I'm excited to move there!

I finally get to live alone and not worry about roommates poisoning me and such.

I've been bored out of mind because I've been staying with JR since I am temporarily homeless. He doesn't have cable, and all my stuff is packed, so I literally have nothing to do.

I'm thinking about just staying in Barnes and Noble tomorrow and reading. That's at least something. I suppose.

And I desperatly miss the AC.

Terribly.

I suggest for you to watch a short movie entitled, "Bucket of Blood."

It's real classy.

2006-05-30T00:11:00.000-04:00

As always, I get to listen to children while at work. After much frustration, I decided to make a game of it. So, as I sit there listening to the screeching, I try to think of different things that I could say to parents, especially those ones with the newborns. So- here's my list.

1. Babies suck!
2. Is it supposed to look like that?
3. That one is definately going to be gay.
4. Why does he/she look like that?!
5. Is that supposed to be there?
6.(To a parent with a crying child) Your child hates you!

More to come I'm sure......

I've been slackin'!

2006-05-18T12:00:00.000-04:00

A cracka lackin'!

I have no clue what that's supposed to mean. BUT- Since the last thingy I now have a BF of two months named JR Porter. He's hot, and I love him, and we like making fun of parents who hate their kids as well as each other. I've been spending most of my spare time with him, which isn't too much, but just enough to get our fix off each other.

He's been the best boyfriend I've had. He has said numerous times he loves me just the way I am, he doesn't judge me, and he goes along with my stupid little things. He supports me in the work I do, and tries to push me along with it. He keeps me down in reality.

I love him so much, and it's great that I don't have to worry about pleasing him, because he already is pleased. :D

In some other big news I'm FINALLY MOVING OUT OF ALLEGHENY!!! I'm moving a couple blocks down the Northside and getting an apartment with two floors. The second floor is the bedroom. I have no clue what it looks like, but I'm excited! Lynette had rung up a $100 phone bill on MY phone and put dishwasher soap in my gallon of milk. Crazy? Just a bit. So she got kicked out and right now it's only Julie and me. We hope we don't get another roommate! It's great just the two of us. It's quiet in the morning, and we actually get to sleep at night! It's grand, after Lynette left, a whole lot of stress has dissipated.

Bitch has died, and right now he's in the freezer, waiting to be buried. I want to bury him in MA with Little Man, but I have no clue when I'm going to get up there. So right now- he's just chillin'.

That's about it. I should be working on Beav, so I will do that!

Goodbye mateys!

And the list goes on...

2006-02-16T23:28:00.000-05:00

3. A jogger's prosthetic leg fall off.
4. An elderly person get hit by a bus.

A list perhaps?

2006-02-15T22:50:00.000-05:00

I think I'm going to start an ongoing list about things I want to see. It will pop back up randomly.......whenever I get a new idea.

So here's the first two.

1. A women (or man....) wearing stiletto heels get stuck in a grate on the sidewalk.
2. A weave getting pulled off.

If I were....

2006-02-13T22:38:00.000-05:00

.... a rich and famous child actor, my parents would be the ones who took all the money I earned and buy lavish things.

Then I'd sue them.

Isn't it loverly?

2006-02-11T20:16:00.000-05:00

Been ridiculously busy with school/work/movie stuff/boy humping.

OK, not so much the last one- but it's been on my mind......

Anywho- This past week was midterms so it was a bit nuts. I'm behind in my art history class, but I can catch up.

I'm doing some spec. fx on a short film some AIP students are working on. I get to do a torture scene- and this is all original stuff let me tell you. Maybe I'll get a copy of it....

So yes. Things have been pseudo exciting, if you consider getting your homework done after it's been 3 weeks past the due date. It was fun. That reminds me, I have to print the pictures out.... But here are some of the makeup photos:

I've changed my mind.

2006-01-11T01:58:00.000-05:00

Sparked by an intellectual conversation with Ace, I've decided I don't believe in soul mates.

I've led myself to believe that everyone has someone for them. I don't think so any more. Is it really such an astounding coincidence that two people like the same music? The same type of shoes? The same color hair? No. Not at all.

One thing I still do believe is fate. I don't think that's avoidable. It leads you along. To a certain point. It directs you sometimes. But it's how one takes it is what brings them to where they are. The end result however, will always be the same. No matter which path you took, good or bad. Simple or difficult.

Since I was a child, I could only picture myself living alone. Never with a spouse, family, even a roommate. I don't think I'm going to get married. Never thought I would. Never played it out in my mind.

I'm a drifter. Always have been, always will be. I don't feel sad about not getting married. I don't mind going in and out of relationships either. Each one is an adventure. Either way, I end up "alone." Being alone is my biggest fear in life. But, I don't think I will be alone. There will always be someone there. Whether it be friend, family member, boyfriend, neighbor, dog or hampster.

I'm afraid. Of not being successful. But I've always been able to get along. Somehow. No matter how hard it is. I make it through without collapsing.

Reasons Why I Want to Live Alone

2005-12-14T20:49:00.000-05:00

1. The mess in the room will be mine and mine only.
2. I don't have to fear going to the bathroom after my roommate has taken a shit.
3. I can listen to my OWN music and my OWN tv.
4. My belongings will be less eligible to be ruined.
5. Decorations will go wherever I want them to.
6. I won't hve to listen to my roommate having "silent" sex.
7. The room temperature will be exactly where I want it to be.
8. I won't have to do anyone elses dishes.
9. No need to worry about missing or borrowed things.
10. I can finally cover my walls with potatoes.
11. I don't have to listen to anyone's bitching.
12. My hampsters can roam freely about the room.
13. I won't have to listen to anyone's conversations on the phone.
14. I can use the whole refrigerator.
15. NO MORE DIRTY BATHROOMS!!!!
16. I don't have to worry about random splooge marks on my couch.
17. No more stinky foods left over on the stove/counter/fridge.
18. Trash will be only found in the trash can.
19. I won't run out of toilet paper.
20. I can do things MY way.
21. I won't have to try to fall asleep listening to snoring.
22. I won't have to cram everthing under my bed.
23. I can use AAALLLL the acrylic I want and not have to listen about how bad it smells.
24. No one can steal my cookies.
25. My furniture won't be dumping grounds for clothing.
26. I can cover my whole floor with pillows.

That's all I can think of for the moment.

Notes from a drunken friend

2005-12-04T12:47:00.000-05:00

Ace: im a it dctunk right now i hpe you have ufn at that up all night thitn g and get a god night sleep have fun love you fbeststed friden d ace man guy

Awww. Isn't that sweet.

She needs to walk the plank

2005-11-28T12:19:00.000-05:00

My apartment is filthy. I can't stand it any more. She is making messes so fast I can't keep up with it. I shouldn't have to keep up with it. I miss Carmen. She was so clean.

Lynette is beyond help. I am going to have to talk to her about it. I swear, all she does while in this house is eat and sleep. Somewhere in-between those times she is able to make a shit load of, well, shit. I come back from home to find the spill of hot chocolate I made the night before I left still there. Plus some. It's unbelievable. I can't stand it any more. I am going to have a nice little chat with her. I don't even want to go into the kitchen for fear of what may be living in there.

God help me!

Holier than Thou

2005-11-21T15:50:00.000-05:00

It sucks being up early

2005-11-18T09:25:00.000-05:00

You Are 60% Boyish and 40% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.
Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.
You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.
You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

Your Band Name is:

The Pieces of Suburbanites

Band Name Generator

You Are Creepy

Serial killers would run away from you in a flash.

How Scary Are You?

You Are Changing Leaves

Pretty, but soon dead.

What Part of Fall Are You?

You Are a Kogyaru!

If it's cute, you'll wear it. Fake and bake, hair bleach, and bright makeup line your bathroom cabinet.
As for clothes - anything that's short and cute ("kawaii!").
You are the prize object of all sorts of men - but you are really looking for a rich foreign guy.
He'll find you out hanging out in Shibuya shopping at the 109, text messaging and sending photos over your cellphone.

What's Your Japanese Subculture?

Tootsie Roll Pop

It only takes three licks to get to your center!

What Kind of Candy Are You?

Your Sexy Brazilian Name is:

Danyela Mendes

What's Your Sexy Brazilian Name?

You Failed the US Citizenship Test

Oops, you only got 3 out of 10 right!

Could You Pass the US Citizenship Test?

Your Monster Profile

Cursed Nightmare

You Feast On: Olives

You Lurk Around In: The Ocean

You Especially Like to Torment: Your Exes

What's Your Monster Name?

What Your Sleeping Position Says

You are calm and rational.
You are also giving and kind - a great friend.
You are easy going and trusting.
However, you are too sensible to fall for mind games.

What Does Your Sleeping Position Say About You?

You Are 22 Years Old

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

What Age Do You Act?

You Are

A Scary Pumpkin Face

You would make a good pumpkin and liver sandwich.

align="center">What's Your Pumpkin Face?

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside.
You tend to avoid confrontation and stay away from sticky situations.
You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly.
You have one big dream in your life, and you never lose sight of it.

How Do You Live Your Life?

Your Brain's Pattern

Your mind is a firestorm - full of intensity and drama.
Your thoughts may seem scattered to you most of the time...
But they often seem strong and passionate to those around you.
You are a natural influencer. The thoughts you share are very powerful and persuading.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

Your Birthdate: October 8

Watch out Donald Trump! You've got a head for business and money.
You'll make it rich some day, even if you haven't figured out how yet.
A supreme individualist, you shouldn't get stuck in a corporate job.
Instead, make your own way - so that you can be the boss.

Your strength: Your undying determination

Your weakness: You require an opulent lifestyle

Your power color: Plum

Your power symbol: Dollar sign

Your power month: August

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

You Are an Emo Rocker!

Expressive and deep, lyrics are really your thing.
That doesn't mean you don't rock out...
You just rock out with meaning.
For you, rock is more about connecting than grandstanding.

What Kind of Rocker Are You?

Your Musical Tastes Match: Nicole Kidman

See her whole playlist here (iTunes required)

What Celebrity Matches Your Taste in Music?

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Kind Chief.

Where You Lived: France.

How You Died: Natural causes.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

Your Inner Child Is Sad

You're a very sensitive soul.
You haven't grown that thick skin that most adults have.
Easily hurt, you tend to retreat to your comfort zone.
You don't let many people in - unless you've trusted them for a long time.

How Is Your Inner Child?

You Passed 8th Grade Math

Congratulations, you got 8/10 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Math?

You are

What Rejected Crayon Are You?

Your Daddy Is Arnold Schwarzenegger

What You Call Him: Papito

Why You Love Him: You don't love him, you just love calling him "daddy"

Who's Your Daddy?

Arty Kid

Whether you were a drama freak or an emo poet, you definitely were expressive and unique.

You're probably a little less weird these days - but even more talented!

Who Were You In High School?

You are Agnostic

You're not sure if God exists, and you don't care.
For you, there's no true way to figure out the divine.
You rather focus on what you can control - your own life.
And you tend to resent when others "sell" religion to you.

What's Your Religious Philosophy?

You Are 90% "Average American"

You are average because you wouldn't pay to go in space.

You are not average since you don't think affirmative action is necessary.

How "Average American" Are You?

You Are a Martini

There's no other way to say it: you're a total lush.
You hold your liquor well, and you hold a lot of it!

What Mixed Drink Are You?

Your Japanese Name Is...

Tori Yamaguchi

What's your Japanese Name?

You Are Somewhat Machiavellian

You're not going to mow over everyone to get ahead...
But you're also powerful enough to make things happen for yourself.
You understand how the world works, even when it's an ugly place.
You just don't get ugly yourself - unless you have to!

How Machiavellian Are You?

Your Career Type: Artistic

You are expressive, original, and independent.
Your talents lie in your artistic abilities: creative writing, drama, crafts, music, or art.

You would make an excellent:

Actor - Art Teacher - Book Editor
Clothes Designer - Comedian - Composer
Dancer - DJ - Graphic Designer
Illustrator - Musician - Sculptor

The worst career options for your are conventional careers, like bank teller or secretary.

What's Your Ideal Career?

Your Animal Personality

Your Power Animal: Deer

Animal You Were in a Past Life: Panda

You are a fun-seeker - an adventurous, risk-taker.
While you are spontaneous, you are not very rational.

The Animal Personality Test

Your Hair Should Be Purple

Intense, thoughtful, and unconventional.
You're always philosophizing and inspiring others with your insights.

What's Your Funky Inner Hair Color?

The Movie Of Your Life Is Film Noir

So what if you're a little nihilistic at times?
Life with meaning is highly over-rated.

Your best movie matches: Sin City, L. A. Confidential, Blade Runner

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

Your Eyes Should Be Blue

Your eyes reflect: Innocence and sweetness

What's hidden behind your eyes: A calculating mind

What Color Should Your Eyes Be?

You Are Internal - Realist - Powerful

You feel your life is controlled internally.
If you want something, you make it happen.
You don't wait around for things to go your way.
You value your independence and don't like others to have control.

You are a realist when it comes to luck.
You don't attribute everything to luck, but you do know some things are random.
You don't beat yourself up when bad things happen to you...
But you do your best to try to make your own luck.

When it comes to who's in charge, it's you.
Life is a kingdom, and you're the grand ruler.
You don't care much about what others think.
But they better care what you think!

The Three Dimension Luck and Power Test

You're An Alcoholic

Time to go back to step one.

What Kind of Drunk Are You?

Michelle Saves Pittsburgh

2005-11-10T02:04:00.000-05:00

Ooo spooky

2005-11-06T09:26:00.000-05:00

Went to a haunted house Friday night and returned last night to give a bpy my number. He's cute. I hope he calls. He said he'd see what he can do. I have no clue what that means.

Lynette's boyfriend is sleeping on the floor using MY blanket. Juuuuuust a little PO'd about that one.

Time to slam doors and knock things around a bit.

Off to work I go.....

Shake it a bit.

2005-11-02T23:19:00.000-05:00

If you haven't noticed I've been spending some time on the photoshop. I do believe it's the best thing since bendable toothbrushes.

Halloween I glued pretzels to the side of my neck for work, and it was quite interesting some of the reactions I got.

I pseudo hit on some guy who was in an interview to get a job at Spencer's. They should definately hire him.

I've also been kind of hitting on another fellow who now works at Spencer's. He's a cutie. Only problem is that he smokes. But otherwise cute. And he seems fun. Who knows if anything will happen with it. It'd be fine with me!

School is moving along OK. I'm going to be done with speech next week, and that makes me happy. I really need to work on some 3D modeling, long story with that one, but to sum it up- I'm only about 1/4 of the way done. Maybe.

Alright that's all I can talk about right now. I have to work on some homework.

Yay speech.

You know you want it baby

2005-11-01T22:55:00.000-05:00

For a fun time call 1-800-LUV-PTZL

I'm there so much......

2005-10-30T22:38:00.000-05:00

......I'm turning into a pretzel.

Is purple hair my look?

2005-10-30T09:09:00.000-05:00

THEY'RE COMING FOR YOUR SOUL!

2005-10-29T13:21:00.000-04:00

They walk among us, acting as if they ARE one of us. But they aren't!

Hidden as teenage girls, they prowl the scope of malls, watching, waiting, hungry for the souls of innocent shoppers. They act, talk, and look like any other teen. The only thing that is different are their eyebrows. Yes, their eyebrows. Upside down Nike signs are their symbol.

Remember NEVER to look into their eyebrows, for if you do your soul will be ripped away and you will become one of THEM.

A crusade has begun.

2005-10-28T10:46:00.000-04:00

Tim. Let me tell you a little about this guy.

He resembles Jabba the Hut, only with glasses and a receding hairline, who is seemingly a DICKtator even though he screws things up and doesn't know what he's doing, and constantly talks on his cellphone to his Trekkie buddies.

To put it lightly, very very very lightly, I am sick of this man.

I'm not quite sure why he was hired, because no one ever tells me anything. However, he seems to think he was put in charge of my store, a Manager of sorts. Again, not sure why. At Pretzel Time we generally run ourselves. After the proper training, all of us can do what we need to do, and we do it right. I run a tight ship there, but it's been successful and everyone can handle problems on their own.

And then there was Tim. He's mussing everything up down there, everything that I've worked my ass off for for the past 9 months, and fucking things around. I've talked to those who actually own the store, and they think he's doing a good job.

So- since it seems I am alone in this thing (I know everyone else hates It, but of course they won't say anything about it) I am just going to stop what I've been doing the whole time I've worked there; work. Nope, not going to work. I'll make pretzels, yes, and I'll sell them to customers. But that whole cleaning thing? Nah, not for me any more. And the sampling? Well I'm not getting anything out of it, so off it goes with that. The lists that I made? Oh those will stop too. I don't need them. Who cares what's done and what's not done? No one will notice anyway. Oh and the truck? Well it seems Tim knows what we need (even though I wrote everything down that I needed, he still was able to mess it up- and it's not exactly the easiest thing to mess up, considering I had EVERYTHING WRITTEN DOWN AND READY), so I'm just going to let him handle it.

I'm going to start looking for a new job. Simple as that.

I would like to work at Petco, but who knows if that will happen. You have to apply online, so I don't even talk to anyone as I'm doing it.

But, I'm looking around, checking things out.

I'm pretty sure if I leave, shortly afterward Jarad will leave. He's only been there for about a month and a half, and he's been fucked over pretty badly already. He doesn't like Tim either, and more than likely if I leave, Tim will be there.

Wish me luck on this crusade, I probably won't need it, but do it anyway.

I say, OFF WITH HIS HEAD!

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!

2005-10-27T13:59:00.000-04:00

CONNELLSVILLE, Pa. - According to Fayette EMS, a mother was taking her two children, ages 5 and 7, to school Thursday morning just before 6:30 a.m. They were heading on Morrell Street and came upon a sharp curve, when somehow the 5-year-old child fell from the car.

"She had fallen out, rolled about 30 feet down the road. She fell out of the back seat. She was restrained in a child seat, from what I understand," said paramedic Julie Peters.

Peters is a supervisor for Fayette EMS, and the first to arrive on the scene in Connellsville.

She said when she got there, the little girl was confused and clearly upset. Fortunately, she seemed to be in good health.

"She was conscious and alert the whole entire time and acting appropriately for her injuries -- a little scared, but other than that, she did really good," said Peters.

Peters said the family was obviously worried and afraid for the little girl.

"Mom was extremely shaken up -- very upset. And the other child that was with her was also a very good trooper through the whole situation," said Peters.

Peters believes the 5-year-old's fall was simply a strange, unfortunate accident. She said the mother appeared to be aware of the large curve in the road.

The mother seemed to be driving the posted 35 mph speed limit, and Peters said both of her daughters were in their safety seats when the youngest fell from the car.

"I'm not sure if there was some kind of malfunction or if something happened during the trip. I guess they were going to school, but we're unsure at this time," said Peters.

Peters said she made the call Thursday morning to have the 5-year-old girl flown to Children's Hospital, just as a precaution. But she said the injuries the girl suffered appear to be just some cuts and bruises.

Who fucking knows......

Talk about bad decisions

2005-10-27T01:19:00.000-04:00

Not like I'm enough of an emotional basket case, I decide that watching A Walk To Remember would be funny.

Oh how wrong was I. I cried. Yes. I cried from all the stupid, corny, cheesiness that is a romance movie. The movie was sad and pathetic, as am I right now.

Oy I don't think I'll be sleeping anytime soon. I'll just be thinking about that movie and how much I want someone in my life like that!

DAMN YOU HOLLYWOOD SAPS!

Too much Botox?

2005-10-22T00:38:00.000-04:00

No such thing!

Don't Doubt

2005-10-18T22:00:00.000-04:00

I'm a fucking Rockstar

Hey. Hey look guys. It went right through me.

2005-10-13T01:20:00.000-04:00

I am forced to straighten my hair every day now, because if I don't, I end up looking like Ashlee Simpson. And I do't want to.

Today there was some bitchy woman at work. I'll tell you about her at a later date. I have yet to fix my scooter....not sure when that will happen. I also have lots of homework which I have yet to do.

I just saw Sin City. That was a really good movie! I usually can't stand movies based on comic books, but the artisticness of it all was really great.

Oy, I've been sick for over a week now, and it's just getting worse and worse. I still can't breathe out of my nose. And that sucks a lot, because I always end up waking up in an extremely dry, and hurting mouth.

That's it. My nose is clogged and that's all I have to say. I'm thinking my head will explode shortly.

Oh well.

2005-10-09T23:12:00.000-04:00

So I'm still here. Since divine intervention didn't seem to happen (or did it? Hmm.) I'm going to attempt to make the most of it.

So- I'm putting myself out there. Fearless, open, and as fun as I can possibly be. Of course I'll be grumpy sometimes, I'll have bad days, I'll be moody. But of course nothing is perfect, and I know I can never be. But I have to try at least. Not like I haven't tried, but maybe I have to try harder.

That's all I have to say about that.

I went to see Wallace and Gromit yesterday, and it was so good! I loved it! So funny. I appreciate the people who do that kind of work so much! I can't even describe!

When I went to go into the theater, the ticket guy told me to stand in the line because he was waiting to see if the theater was clean. So when the guy told us we could go in, a woman, with 4 children surrounding her, all under 10, slowly turns around and says, "He has the tickets that asshole..."

I surry pass them and get the best seats in the house (Oh yes, the ones in the center of the room with the bar right in front). Lo-and-behold, the woman comes and sits to the right of me. One of her kids asked her for her candy. The woman, still standing by her seat at the time, replies, "Will you give me one Goddamn minute?!"

I was afraid to show laughter for fear of decapitation.

It was a very good movie though, and I suggest anyone to see it. It was very funny, and beautifully made.

"Look Gromit CHEESE!"

-_-

2005-10-09T01:57:00.000-04:00

I'm sitting here. In the living room. Listening to Julie and Rob have sex.

*squeak squeak squeak*

Yeah. Silence huh?

First off- any sex that is done in silence is CREEPY.

Second, when you're having sex and being quiet about it, that's sad. Cause that shows you're not really enjoying it. And it's just sex. And it should be "Making love." If I am going to have sex, I am going to do it the right way and have the full experience of it. Moans, gasps, clawing, and lots of bed rocking.

Yeap. Just ruined the beautiful moment of dirty humping by letting them know they're not quite as quiet as they think they are.

What went wrong?

2005-10-08T12:43:00.000-04:00

Well. I'm still alive. I give myself 24 hours. If I'm not dead by then, I retract any and all statements previously.

So it's off to a bad start already, because of one David who seems to hate me....because I gave him free pretzels.....and made him laugh, and shared fun movies and good music with him.

GAH- I don't get people. I have to try my best to send him to the back of my mind. One question I would love the answer to is- what makes me attracted to such assholes? *Sigh* I don't know what I do wrong any more. It seems everything.

Well, I'm out.

MAY THE LEGION OF SATANIC SQUIRRELS BITE OFF YOUR NUTS AND HIDE THEM UNDER SEWAGE!!!

Good bye world

2005-10-08T00:00:00.000-04:00

So long, farewell, aufedersein, good bye.

It's been a rocky and rolly time.

So here are the last photos of me.

As I go away and hide, and hopefully enjoy my time alone.

2005-10-07T13:16:00.000-04:00

Julie said I couldn't die this weekend because Friday next week she'll have a man for me. Covered in fruit rollups.

I reminded her that was her thing, so she suggested peanut butter and sugar, and I requested some milk.

I just hope it won't be Greg.....

I was going to let myself die last night, but I copped out. I was feeling bad for Julie because of everything that has happened within the last day. So she's not a happy camper. And finding her roommate deadon the couch wouldn't be so pleasant.

If I do continue living, I'm going to get a bigger dose of Zoloft because the effect is losing itself.

I didn't sleep too much last night. I've been u0p since about 9 this morning, and damn I'm tired. I have to go to work in an hour, yippee. Get to train a new girl. She better not be stupid. And she better be 18 or older, and she better learn quickly.

I'm done.

AND THE COUNTDOWN BEGINS: 19 hours

EEEeeeeeyup.

2005-10-07T01:38:00.000-04:00

Well I was doing OK for a while there. I watched The Omen. That was a pretty awesome movie. I enjoyed it throughly.

Now I am counting down until Saturday. Ugh, I'm hoping I die sometime Friday night. Or Friday morning. I'm thinking that would be better.

If I don't, I may either;

1. Get really depressed, cry some, and mope around the house.
2. Go down to 209 and see if those boys are hotties.
3. Drive insanely to the outskirts of Pittsburgh hoping something will happen (i.e. car accident.)

Who knows which one it will be. Frankly I just want to get drunk off my ass right now. But I can't, I know no one with alcohol and I have to work tomorrow. It's going to be a fucking long ass day. I have to train a new girl, and I really don't want to. I hate teaching new people. It sucks a lot.

I think I'm retaining water cause I'm fat. I haven't really been eating, because I'm sick and I just don't have anything to eat. So I think I'm retaining water. Don't know how to fix that.

Meh, good riddens to everyone. Can't wait to be gone. I'm sure you're all thinking the same.

(God I am so pathetic. I am way too emo....)

DAYS UNTIL FINAL GOODBYES: 1

Where there's a will, there's a way

2005-10-05T23:27:00.000-04:00

So, here is my official will for when I die. This is to the only important people in my life.

Caleb- You get my bras and underwear. I know you'll enjoy it. And my CD's.
Katie- All my wonderous fluffy pillows.
Ace- My car.
Julie- My scooter and the secrets to making fabulous pretzels
Lynette- All my blankets.
Carmen- My TV.

There you have it. To my family, you can sell everything else on Ebay or something. Just make sure my Tombstone reads, "I told you so."

DAYS UNTIL THE FINAL FRONTIER: 2

The Little Things That Kill

2005-10-03T22:03:00.000-04:00

I never want to be a mall walker.

Doing laps around the mall, lifting 1 lb. arm weights and wearing ankle weights, thinking it actually does them good.

Tell me why they're still fat.

Two women pushing strollers at light speed, constantly checking their watches to see exactly how fast they're going, their blubber writhing with each inch moved, showing that they had one child too many.

And how do they arrive to their daily workout? By car.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Hey do you have a Myspace?

No.

Why not?! You should get one!

Why?

Because they're cool!

Well you know what I think is pretty cool? Suicide. Yeah. It's definately in. Cutters are such a joke. Why don't they just do it right and actually cut deep? Only the elite are successful. Major props to them.

You're kidding right?

Of course. I really don't have any reason not to have a Myspace. You know, it's not like I have a full time job, or any projects to do. There must be something wrong with me if I don't have low enough self-esteem as to feel the need to post tons of emoesque pictures of myself attempting to look sexy and show much cleavage then beg to have all my "friends" leave comments about them so I can go back and read them and make myself feel semi-important because a 40 yr. old horndog posing as my 16 yr. old internet buddy told me I'm cute.

*Blank stare*

Call me crazy I suppose.

But you have a blog!

*Sigh* Blogs and Myspace are two very distinct and different things. I use my blog as a way to express myself, my feelings, and my general craziness in attempt to keep myself sane. Writing is a fun thing for me, and it helps me calm down and relax. I don't use it as a dating service, nor as a personal shrine, nor as a forum in which to whine and complain about every little thing in my life that goes wrong and hope everyone has a pity-party for me.

Hmph. Well I like Myspace.

Good for you. Now go do it right, and pop a bottle of Tylenol down your throat, slip into the bathtub overflowing with water, slit your wrists, and drop in a pulgged in hairdryer.

Adventures in Needle-land

2005-10-02T22:46:00.000-04:00

Here are my oh-so-fucking awesome pictures of my time in the tattoo parlor. Twas wonderous!

Here's the before picture of my beautifully pale leg BEFORE the attack.

The outline. It tickled quite a bit.

@cTiON ShOTt!!!

I approve!

Mmmmmmmm bloooooood.

Finito!

Me and the artist formerly known as Psycho Mike.

I'd rather not pee myself.

2005-09-30T13:30:00.000-04:00

I GOT MY TATTOO!!!

It was certainly an interesting experience. The guy, "Psycho" Mike was very friendly. I wasn't nervous at all. We talked, it was fun, and I absolutely love it.

The colors are beautiful, and it wasn't nearly as painful as I thought it would be. It did hurt, but I was able to handle it.

I'll put pictures up when I hook my laptop back to my printer.

I found an absolutely amazing item in which I MUST purchase. And that item is, a SCOOTER!!! It's not an ordinary scooter either!

It comes fully packaged with a seat, gas or electric, and even a little box to hold things in! It's so fucking great!

After much, much working, my foot has now become a nuisance. It's very swollen, and it hurts like all hell. I just want to be able to lay down and let it rest! Ugh it would be so much easier that way! I may have to talk to Geeta to see if I can take Monday off. I'm doubting it though.

I had a really cute boy hit on me. He was adorable. Blue eyes and black hair too. I hope I see him again and he hits on me. That would be awesome.

Alright, I think that's all that's going on in my world. G'night folks! Happy sleeping!

DAYS UNTIL SEX OPERATION: 7

So Ronry!

2005-09-28T01:59:00.000-04:00

Oh the websites just keep on comin'.

www.engrish.com

DAYS UNTIR MY BERFDAY: 10

Face for Rent

2005-09-27T00:07:00.000-04:00

Genius. I just had to put it in here.

http://http://www.comedycentral.com/shows/the_daily_show/videos/dan_bakkedahl/index.jhtml

I cry black tears

2005-09-23T14:42:00.000-04:00

ME: im cold
DAVE: why?
ME: cause its cold in here
ME: and im not wrapped up comfortably in my blanket like a sausage
DAVE: well, why not?
ME: cause im on my computer talking to you
DAVE: it shouldn't prevent the blanket thing
ME: yeah but getting my blanket would require me to stand and move 20 feet
DAVE: hmm... true...
ME: i cant handle that kind of pressure
DAVE: yeah, you can
ME: no its too much
DAVE: bullshit
ME: i might end up having to kill myself. because i have black hair and therefore am depressed and suicidal
DAVE: yeah, black hair tends to lead to suicide
ME: yup. just one of the many steps to death by razor blade
DAVE: yeah... just don't tell me you watch indie films
ME: oh but i have to
DAVE: damn, another step closer
ME: ifc is the only channel to watch
DAVE: :-X
ME: and occasionally sundance. but thats too mainstream
ME: and i am definatley anti-mainstream
ME: because i have black hair
DAVE: OMG.. wait...
DAVE: do you listen to death metal, emo, and industrial music?
ME: of course......
DAVE: do you create open wounds on yourself at least once weekly?
ME: once an hour
ME: more like it
DAVE: oh wow, I'm surprised you're still alive
ME: and i write shitty poetry
DAVE: =-O
ME: with extra amounts of cliches
DAVE: do you use the words "rain" "soul" and "miasma"?
ME: there are other words than those?
DAVE: AHH
ME: yes, let me wallow in my pathetic exsistence whilst i write some more poetry............
DAVE: no, don't do the razorblade bath!!!

DAYS UNTIL MY DEATH: 15

2005-09-22T22:50:00.000-04:00

I had these past two days off from work, because Geeta didn't want to schedule me because I would be in over time. SO- yesterday I cleaned the whole apartment, and everything is perfect. I also went to visit Julie at work, and I must say I was looking pretty damn awesome.

I wanted to go grocery shopping, but I bought a bunch of fluff for a pillow I'm making and some Halloween decorations, and I really wouldn't be able to handle carrying all that crap into my apartment. So instead I just bought a gallon of milk, peanut butter, and some pudding. It should hold me over for a while.

I decorated a bit for Halloween yesterday as well. I have yet to put up the cobwebs, and I'm hoping my mom will send me the Halloween stuff I left at home.

I LOVE HALLOWEEN SO FUCKING MUCH!!!!!

Today I woke up quite early, for what reason I don't know, but I mailed out one of my Netflix, and got some money to do laundry, which I did. I napped a lot today. I didn't do much except make one huge ass pillow which shall be delivered at a later date this weekend.

I wanted very badly to go to a Cherry Monroe concert tomorrow, but of course, I'm stuck working. :*(

I can deal. I know they'll be in the area a lot, since they just released their new album.

I suppose that is it on the war front. I have yet to make an appointment for my tattoo. I'm hoping to get it done before vacation is over.

That picture is me in my pig mask. I felt sexy.

Who knew cinnamin rolls could be so dangerous

2005-09-20T12:23:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I worked all day. It was so ridiculously boring. I was able to leave two hours early, because there really was no point of me being there. I had ended up cleaning the back room a lot. Organized some shtuff. I'm working up there yet again for 8 hours today. I don't want to. And again, there's really no point of me to. But whatever, I'll deal. I need as many hours as possible anyway. I'm going to be organizing a lot of stuff again.

I ended up throwing away about 8-10 boxes of expired syrup (for the drinks) which were still hooked up to the hose. One had expired back in March.....

Bitch is looking a little fatter. She doesn't have any diarrhea any more, but her eyes are still very poofy. I feel bad because she's kind of been blinded.

My new roommate is probably going to be a newbie. I hope she's ugly. I don't want her to be a slut, since I will be sharing a room with her. And she better not be an anime freak. I'll be pissed if she is.

I burnt my finger on a hot pan and it's really hurting right now. I don't like it.

So I suppose that's it. I have nothing else to say.

BIRTHDAY COUNTDOWN: 18 days

Vacation has begun

2005-09-18T19:09:00.000-04:00

SO COMMENCE THE JIGGLIN'!

Yesterday was quite the drama. I had to rush Bitch to the vet hospital because she was awfully skinny, her eyes were red and puffy, and she was really gross on her belly. I though she had the runs, and the book I own said they die within 2-7 days of getting it. Boy did I freak!

I got lost for a good hour trying to find the place, and when I finally did find it, they put me in a room and made me wait for an hour until the vet came along.

She pretty much tortured Bitch, squeezing her belly and pulling out an apparant penis of hers. It hasn't gone back in yet. I'm hoping it's not her intestines.

So the Doc said she probably has a bladder infection, and I have to give her an antibiotic twice a day for a week. I've only given it to her twice so far, and she already looks so much better! She's been eating a lot, her fur is clean again, and her eyes are starting to get better as well. And she's eating a whole lot.

I nearly passed out in the vet's because I hadn't eaten anything. They gave me a soda. It helped.

I talked to Dave lats night until about 1 in the morning. We were exchanging songs. It was fun, I really like his taste in music.

I worked all day today, and one girl quit, meaning I'm going to be working a whole lot more. Tomorrow I'm there ALL DAY. And I have to work with the new guy Tim, and I don't like him very much. I get a two hour break at 3, and that makes me happy. But I have to work at GAC alone for an hour or so, and I'm pretty sure I can't handle it. I'm still not completely familiar with all the products, nor do I know how much it all costs.

*Sigh* They better put my raise in my paycheck for this week. I will be so pissed if they don't. I was told that I may be getting overtime, which is fine with me (time and a half baby!) I really need to get my bank account up again. I have no clue how expensive next quarter will be. Hopefully not as bad as the last.

I think that Asians are staring to be attracted to me. Not sure why. Mexicans and Asians.

I am such a champion.

I need to be more social and less busy

2005-09-15T20:24:00.000-04:00

So I am starting to believe that every guy here is gay.

Or I really am that disgusting.

Hrm. Questions questions but no answers.

Well, I had Greg (a gay friend) offer to take my virginity from me. But I'll only take his offer as a last resort. I mean, it would make one damn interesting story, but I'm thinking I would like a guy who is straight. And who would actually enjoy it.

Yes, yes, I have my eyes set on someone. Although I am afraid I scared his poor little self away. Why? Not sure. I thought he was interested but appearantly I was wrong. Very very wrong. So I suppose I must find someone else. REbound or not, I think he was pretty damn cool. And quite convenient as he lives right above me. So- that means I must attend as many concerts as possible and/or hang out every possible place that I can. I need to spread my horizons so to speak.

I'm pretty sure I'm coming off as a slut. And I don't mean to. I'm not only looking for sex. I mean, it would be wonderful if I could get that, but it would be even better to have a relationship. Maybe.

Argh I don't know any more. I don't know what I want. It's too difficult!

Steve was great but then he became a douchebag.

So I had to dump his ass. And I definately would have humped him, but he had some technical problems. So I didn't. Although technically I'm not a virgin. But- there has been no penis in vagina therefore I consider myself a virgin.

A year in college and still no action.

God I am pathetic. Well, I don't think it's me. I seem to attract those who are incompetant or just scared.

*Sigh* whatevah. It don't matter. I've always been afraid of dying a virgin. And with only 24 days until my 20th (that means I'm going to die- not sure of what exactly- but I'm thinking some medical thing. More than likely.) I have to get my ass in gear.

And what a damn fine ass that is.

God it's unbelievable the amount of bullshit that comes out of my mouth.

I challenge you to a duel

2005-09-12T11:29:00.000-04:00

Well I had a quick one week stint of a rebound with the guy who lives in the room above me. Not too shabby. Damn hot. That's all that matters.

So this is finals week and I am highly doubting I am going to have everything done for today's class, nor do I think I'm going to have my project done for tomorrow. Which sucks a whole damn lot because I don't want to have to do it all over again next quarter.

So yes, I have moved on from Steve. Out of sight, out of mind. I still have some bitter feelings about how everything went down, but it's OK, I can deal with it.

I went shopping the other day and I bought some nice new sheets and comforter for my bed (and a couple of pillows!) My bed is so Goddamn comfy it's unbelievable. It's my little nest. Oh how joyous!

I also got some new clothes, just a couple pairs of pants and yet another jacket. I don't need them, I just really love jackets.

I received a random IM from my ex from a year and half ago's best friend. Not sure why. I'm thinking he was really really bored and felt the need to harass someone he hasn't in a while. Maybe he thinks I'm still into my ex. Hahahahaha that would be amusing.

So in about 26 days I will be having my 20th birthday. No more teenage crap. Woo hoo! I've decided that I want to lose my virginity before then. I was able to beat my first kiss date only a week before my 18th birthday. So I'm hoping I will be successful in this one as well. I just don't want it to come down to crunch time! Too much stress! So, I'll be on break before my birthday comes around. I'll have tons of free time. Any takers?

Don't doubt that I have all the moves down. I may still be a virgin but that doesn't mean I haven't done anything. I've done lots. Cause I'm good like that. And all my friends are guys.

So yes, anyone up for the challenge can come around and try.

No pun intended.

Fin

2005-08-31T14:17:00.000-04:00

There's a no go. *sigh* Strangely I was the one who caused it. And I'm the one who's broken up about it. But as time goes by, I feel a little better, my life goes on. I have no time to worry about anything but my school work and work.

I'm still aching and such. But that's how it usually is. I'm beginning to realize some things about him which makes me feel not so great, like him not supporting me in.....well anything really. So yeah, I think I can do better. Well, I hope I can do better.

Any Emo kids out there- I'm single and I'm willing to make you happy ;)

I need a skinny emo boy to treat me right.

Where are ya buddy? I'm sure you're on blogger sobbing about something!

COME TO MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-08-19T07:11:00.000-04:00

I don't even know why my parents like me. You'd suppose they'd have to, and actually, they didn't. For a while at least.

Well. No surprise. Fucked up once again. I just don't seem to know how to stop. It's always my fault. I have no one else to blame. Once again the responsibility is mine.

I don't know how others perceive me. I don't know how I perceive myself for that matter. It can't be good though. It can't. It never was.

The few people who believe in me don't know shit about me. If they did know, then they wouldn't be around very longer.

I deserve whatever I get. I should be found beaten up and raped in an alley. I deserve it. Honestly. I'm never going to be able to find happiness anyway. I can only do that through myself. And I hate me, so that would be awfully difficult.

I can feel everyone laughing at me already. They were right. They always were. My pseudo pride wouldn't let them get to me. But they were right all along.

As I've said thousands of times before, I just can't win.

Cough

2005-08-09T00:19:00.000-04:00

I'm getting sick. It sucks. I haven't written in a while because I've been ridiculously busy.

And now I'm sick.

I lost my paycheck so I only have $80 in my bank account right now.

But that's ok. I don't need food.

It's late. I'm exiting now.

Pseudo Vacation

2005-07-14T15:29:00.000-04:00

I worked a lot. Trying to get my bank account up.

MA was lots of fun. We went kayaking, played Spoons, went to Six Flags, watched movies, hiked around on a mountain, went to the mall, and went out to eat.

He enjoyed himself a lot, as did I. I sleeped soooooooooo good the first night I was back. Oh how I missed my incredible bed! It was heaven. Baxter was very happy to see me! I missed him so much! He loves Steve, and Steve loves him. However, Baxter was extremnely afraid of my hampsters. I let them roll around in their balls to check things out, and Baxter was running away from them. He even started barking at Bitch when she was rolling towards him. Haha it was so cute. My mom actually enjoyed them! She thought it was very funny watching them roll around the house in their little balls. She, of course, enjoyed Little Man's wiggling.

We got up and on the road somewhere between 6-7 in the morning. Of course we ended up getting lost for a good couple hours, and we didn't get back to Pittsburgh until 6. Steve have to rush out so he could get home at a decent time and rest for work the next day.

I had work in the morning as well. The bastards.

So I've been very tired and relatively irritated and pissed off. Working with the new kid Tyler has been an utter disaster. He is the biggest imbusile I have ever met. I had to show him, multiple times, how to sweep and mop the floor correctly. He still doesn't get it. He cannot think for himself, I have to TELL him what to do every single time (otherwise he'll just stand there), and he whines just about everything. I called him a Momma's boy and have referred to him as a pussy. I thought I would never say it but I wish Jeep was back. Even though her English was slaughtered and couldn't understand much, she at least did what she was supposed to and would jump to work whenever I needed it.

I put in a new filter for my fish and it actually started bubbling. Two of my fish died. I bought new ones so that my community fish wouldn't become sad and die as well. That sucked big ones.

I was also quick-changed at work and now have lost $40. I didn't even know that people did that shit. It was news to me. Of course it was all my fault because I should have known that people do that, and that I shouldn't be tired from sleeping less than 4 hours the night before because I had to close the store, and I shouldn't be frustrated at the fact that I have to work with Tyler all weekend, and that I have to buy a bunch of stuff for class and I'm not even sure what I need.

Yup. All my fault.

Damn me for not being super-human.

Tick tock tick tock tick tock

2005-06-20T13:20:00.000-04:00

I haven't stopped moving since last Monday.

Finished my finals. Then I worked a whole bunch while simultaneously moving into my new apartment. I didn't finish moving until 2 in the morning on Saturday night. Then of course on Sunday I had to be at work at 11 in the morning and work all day. I was incredibly tired and sore, and I luckily was bale to leave early.

Most of my things are unpacked, and now I'm just organizing everything. And I mean everything. It's insane. I still have to hook up my TV, organize the whole kitchen, finish putting things away in my room, and figure out the closet.

Oy it's so much. My phone isn't hooke dup yet, so I've been ha ving 10 minute conversaations with Steve on my cell phone. I miss him. But he's coming this weekend to help JArad move so hopefully I'll get to see him at some point. Then next weekend I'm off to MA! I'm excited about that. I can't wait to see my baby Baxter! Yay!

So I have to go now so I can eat and continue working on stuff.

It just never ends!

Oh yeah, I finally got to shower today. I hadn't showered since Thursday. It feels good.

Que?

2005-06-15T09:40:00.000-04:00

My computer is finally working again, thanks to the help of Jarad. *nods head* I went to Steve's this weekend and got to spend a weekend with him and his family. His family is wonderful, they are all very nice and equally funny. the party was OK. There was chopping of vegetables with his katana, exploding boats, and lots of sun. I got burned very badly. And I haven't been burned for a few years now. I am officially a redneck. The burn even started to blister. Yeah, I'm a bit sore, but I'm dealing. It was uberly fabulous to wake up to the sound of dogs barking and birds chirping. Ugh, I miss those sounds so much. The house was actually dark-pitch dark- and there was no sound coming from outside. It was so wonderful....

I didn't know it was even possible to keep falling deeper and deeper in love with someone. Our conversations at night don't last as long as they used to, but they don't have to.

And what's really great is, he's coming with me to MA in July! I'm so excited! I got to see his house, and now he gets to see mine! I'm going to drag him about my little rink-a-dink town. Show him were my "roots" are. Gotta represent man.

AND I GET TO SEE BAXTER!!!!!!! I miss my puppy so much! He is just such a cutie...I want to snuggle with my puppy! And I wonder what his reaction to the hampsters will be. THAT should be interesting.

I can hear him whining already. Hehe. He's my big man! And I'm sure he'll love Steve. Ace definately got him going...

It helps that Baxter is a little gay too.

2005-06-09T12:36:00.000-04:00

GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO

Don't stop keep going faster faster there's no time to stop you must keep moving faster faster harder stronger quicker don't stop you can't stop you'll fall there's no time to rest you can't sleep you must keep going there's no time to sleep just GO GO GO GO GO GO GO no time to spare there's no time for fun you must keep moving keep on the ball keep running harder faster faster faster no stopping you can't stop you'll fall you'll fall no time no time to rest no time

no stopping your life depends on this

no stopping

no stopping

no stopping

2005-06-05T20:09:00.000-04:00

...........losing it.............

Hmm?

2005-06-04T11:30:00.000-04:00

6 hours of work. 45 minutes of slinking through traffic. 5 hours of working on my mask. 30 minutes waiting for trolley. 10 minute shower. 30 minutes of reading. 4 hours of sleep. 10 hours of work. 1 hour of packing. 6 hours of sleep?

What a life, what a life.

Don't ever complain to me about how you don't have any time.

Bitch.

100% Bullshit

2005-06-02T14:11:00.000-04:00

Yesterday. They give me a whole 2 and 1/2 weeks to find a new apartment in which to move into. Not only am I not even guarenteed to continue living with Casey and Carissa, but I also am given on 8 days in which to pack and move everything.

Now, I would normally say thaty wouldn't be too bad. A week is enough time.

However. That given time is DURING finals week. Not to mention I have a full time job, and I want to go to Steve's graduation party the weekend before I'm supposed to be moving out.

I also have two procets to finish, as well as two classes to study for.....within the next two weeks.

So you see why I'm angry? I hope so. If not, you're dense.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

A: Ugly

2005-05-21T23:38:00.000-04:00

Q: What one word would you use to describe a penis?

I didn't post this past Thursday because I was busy making the picture in the last post.

Well. I miss Steve. Little Man is becoming fatter. As well as Casey.

OK I'm just joking.

But not really.

So here are some pictures from Steve's latest visit.

Oh how joyous we are!

I dressed up beautiful for Steve in hopes to seduce him.

It worked.

Casey and I contracted crabs from Steve. But we were OK with that.

Sadly Steve had to leave shortly after all that. When I was saying goodbye Casey had a breakdown.

Casey had a flashback to Nam and decided it would be a good choice to get a helmet and a laser gun. Just in case.

Luckily she soon recovered.

So, that was his visit. Was quite fun. I won't see him for another two weeks, which makes me sad :(. I'll survive though.

Because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.

2005-05-19T14:17:00.000-04:00

Guess what?

Shpadoinkle?

2005-05-12T14:12:00.000-04:00

Here's my weekly sitdown. Comp. Lit. is really the only time I am able to write in this thing. I'm constantly moving otherwise.

I took this past weekend off to go to MD with Casey and Kali. It was fun, beautiful weather, fun people, arts and crafts.

It reminded me of Girl Scouts.

Anywho, I work 5 days a week. No days off. The other two days I'm in class all day. So I never have time to rest. I'd just love to have one day off. Just sitting in the living room, watching TV, sleeping. Not having to worry about homework. Ah, that would be glorious.

Casey has no clue how easy she has it.

Steve is coming down tomorrow, and I can't wait! I haven't seen him in over a month, so I'm very antsy. Unfortunatly I have to work 8 hours on Saturday. So that sucks, but I'm planning on just dropping him off at Adams'. We're not going to be doing anything in particular. Mainly just watching movies and sleeping (at least on my part).

I haven't been sleeping too much sadly. I've been going to bed around 2 or 3 in the morning. *Sigh* I'm hoping I'll sleep soundly when Steve is here. I'd feel bad keeping him up all night from my tossing and turning.

It seems I have no clue what is going on with my bank account. There are some weird things going on in there. I'm thinking I should balance my checkbook (but I'm too lazy.) Dammit, I have no clue what's going on.

I feel like I'm going to throw up, and I have a nice headache that's accompanying it. Fun fun. Well, I'm out.

*Passes out*

Slew of Awesomeness

2005-05-05T14:44:00.000-04:00

Jesus, it seems that I haven't written in this thing in forever....

Much has happened since I last wrote, and it's only been a few weeks. After being emotionally unstable for a day, I became angry at the fact that Steve broke up with me. So, that night i called him (letting off a whole lot of stem) and he apologized and asked if I still wanted to be with him. Of course I did! I love the fellow to death.

So it's been two months, he's coming up next weekend. The two-day breakup, I think, actually made us appreciate eachother more than we had before, and made him realize that there's more to life than just money. And damn, I am disgustingly grateful for him realizing that.

Soulmates? I'd like to think so.

Casey and I are back together so to speak...and I'm glad we are cause she's just so much fun! We dressed up in East Indian clothing one night, ate a lot, then last night we ate a lot also, and yeah, we just eat a lot. We're traveling to Maryland this weekend for this female power type thing that her mom is coordinating. I'm excited. AND Kali is coming along! So there will be three of us which will be so much fun! AND I GET TO DRIVE WOO HOO!

However, I got a speeding ticket a couple weeks ago, (the fucker was trying to make his quota) and it wasn't nearly as bad as my first, however this one will be going to the insurance (dammit). I luckily paid that off, got a nice big check from work, and my Manager Jess calls me her "Assistant!" Definately cool. I'm making headway in the pretzel business, and I know when I move of to CA I'll have some very good referencing.

I'm hoping I'll get another raise soon. I think I deserve it, and so does Jess. I've been working my ass off in that place, and the whole family is impressed by how great the store looks.

Those were the major events of the past while. I put a larger gage in my eyebrow ring (I got some ends that were one size bigger than what I usually have, so I got bigger bars also) and now my eyebrow is pussing again. And it's sore. *sigh* I hope it heals faster this time.

So that's it. I'm off to attend to other......things...

I'll have pics later from the fun fun weekend.

Catch ya on the flipside yo.

Don't you love the way life randomly sucks?

2005-04-18T21:14:00.000-04:00

I miss the smell of grass and dirt. I miss listening to the birds chirp as they hop from tree to tree. I miss hearing silence and seeing darkness at night. I miss listening to the trees being brushed by wind. I miss hearing the pattering of rain on my roof. I miss being able to drive to nowhere. I miss hearing the lawn mowers going. I miss rolling my windows down and smelling fresh air.

I want to go back to Massachusetts. I want to return to third grade when everything was OK, when I could go outside and play in the mud all day and not worry about a thing. I don't want to have to work any more. I don't want to have to go to class. I don't want to deal with the pressures of living with another person. I don't want to deal with people breaking my heart.

But none of that is possible. I'm here. And I'm here for another year or so. It seems so long and so short at the same time. I'm not free. I thought I was, but I'm not. You're only free when you're a child.

I'm trapped here......in all of this. Having to deal with my emotions, people, and responsibility. I just want to be able to enjoy myself. Be able to enjoy nature. But I can't, I can't do any of it.

And it's killing me.

I hate myself

2005-04-18T00:04:00.000-04:00

Clearly there's something wrong with me when your boyfriend who just broke up with you tells you you're the best thing ever, but it won't work out. So what the fuck is the matter? Could someone please tell me? This is the second time this has happened to me. What is it about me that makes boys want to break up with me? It doesn't make any sense........

Throw me off the plank why don't you matey?

2005-04-14T13:22:00.000-04:00

So. Again with the longness of days. Yes, it sucks. Yes, I don't sleep. Yes, I want to kill someone. Yes, that person is Casey. How so? Hah. Long story. Didn't want to really write anything about that situation. But, it's unavoidable. To sum it up- I didn't sleep last night, I miss Steve, and I just don't want to deal with people any more.

I got my taxes filed. It was a whole $180. Isn't that fantastic? It sure is. That's more than half of what I'm getting back.

Guess what also cost $180? The speeding ticket I got. Where was it? On the little road that leads to Robinson Mall. He said he saw me going 53 in a 25. How is that possible? It's not. I know I speed. I do it all the time. That's a given. But 53? Um, I say no. Because it physically is not even possible. Not only was I at a stop light a few feet before the cop saw me, but it was in fact red, the street went uphill, there is a major curve (40mph at the max), and I was in a fucking Lumina! It can't speed up to 50 mph within 4 seconds! In maybe 10 seconds, but 4?!

He didn't even use radar. He estimated it himself, no technology whatsoever. Quota case? I think so. At least it wasn't as bad as my first speeding ticket. But then again, my dad helped me pay that one. I asked for a cash advance from work, and sadly, I don't think it will even be enough. Poor once again.

I also have to go to school on Saturday, to do my lifecast. Normally that wouldn't be a problem, however, Steve is coming down this weekend, and he'll be stuck with me working on it. Yeah.

My life sucks.

I live only to take care of Little Man. He needs me. He depends on me.

I can't let him down.

No me gusta

2005-04-11T17:17:00.000-04:00

My hands are covered in dried alginate. My nails are filled with plaster. I have a white powder all over my clothes.

This can only mean that I'm at school. I was supposed to get my lifecast done- but surprise surprise I didn't. I have no clue when I'll get a chance to get it done. I'm thinking of recruiting Trent to do it. Since he knows how.

So, this week has been long ass week. Thursday, I got awfully frustrated with the way things were going down in my apartment, so I decided to supress all anger and frustration with alcohol. I had originally planned on sleeping over Justin's place, however, they started to watch Star Wars and I figured I'd enjoy myself more if I were inebriated. So, I returned home, grabbed the alcohol, looked for someone to get drunk with, and I found her. And her name is Renee. Damn, I love Renee. So I went up to her place, got really really drunk. Ate about 9 hard boiled eggs, cleaned her room, got some change off of her, reunited with a long lost person, who I hadn't seen in over 6 months. That was amusing.

I don't remember returning to my room, but I think it was somewhere between 3-4 o'clock in the morning. I set my alarm clock because I had to work the next morning (yeah go me). I ended up waking at 10:44, and I had to be in at work by 9:30. It wasn't because I was drunk that I was late, it was because I had set my alarm clock for 9 P.M.

I rushed to work and got there, started up everything, and although I had a headache, I was doing OK. After my shift was over, I really didn't want to return to the apartment, for fear of any encounters, so I stayed at the mall, went shopping at Charlotte Russe (got some AWESOME clothes), got my hair cut, and some food other than pretzels. I was invited to go to a party with my co-worker Josh at his place. Jess (another person I work with) wanted to go also, so we decided we'd go together (having a car helps those types of situations.) We ended up not going however, because when we left, we had forgot the directions in her apartment, and when we returned, I was tired, and she was on the phone with her boyfriend (big drama with that). So I ended up going home instead of sleeping over there. And I had work the next morning also. I was on time that morning.

So that was my weekend. I also did homework and such, no confrontations luckily.

I've certainly been down in the dumps. Not much good has happened. The only good thing that happened all weekend was seeing Steve for about an hour. He'll be coming up this upcoming weekend. I met his Dad, and he likes me (which is a good thing). I can't wait to see Steve again. I'm going to drag him to the Beehive. I haven't been there in ages! So it will be nice to just relax. I actually think I might go tonight, depends on how I feel I suppose, and what I have for homework.

People have been assholes to me, of course. I just don't know what to do with myself. I'd really enjoy just driving around, finding a nice, woodsy place to just relax at. I probably would do that if I had the time. But I don't. And gas money is expensive. Maybe I'll do that when Steve comes here. We could go for a picnic. That's a good idea. I'll do that. Woo I can't wait! Oh, we've been going out for a month already! Isn't that mad?! Hehe I love him to death, I really do. He's just so sweet to me, he's gorgeous, and he feels the same exact thing about me also.

And he's the perfect hugging height.

Things are getting repetative.

2005-04-07T13:34:00.000-04:00

Guess where I am?!

Computer Literacy. The joy of my life.

But- I have Musto this time. Instead of the sexist bastard Matus. God I hate him. I hope he gets eaten by rabid squirrels.

I've been working a lot. Which is a good thing. Sometime last week, I was working with Jess, and her friend from WV was over trying on bridal dresses, and wanted to get her fitted for the Bridesmaid dress. So, Josh, who was supposed to come in at 3, eventually showed up around 4:20. Where was he? Shopping at FYE (which is right across from Pretzel Time) and being drunk. Yes, he showed up to work very very drunk.

Jess was able to leave to get fitted, leaving me very busy (it was Saturday), completely out of quarters, and with a drunk co-worker, who in turn, decided it would be best to blast some music out of the radio and bring over a friend who used to work there.

It was not fun. I immediately sent him out to search for quarters, hoping he'd be gone for a very long time. Unfortunatly, I only had about 15 minutes. He returned, he made some ghetto-ass pretzels, I was rushing around trying to get stuff done. It was a bitch.

Finally Jess returned and I was able to escape, half an hour after my shift had been up.

The next time I worked with him, the day after daylight savings time, I figured Josh wasn't going to show up until 3 (he was supposed to be there at 2) because I thought he wouldn't have enough intelligence to show up on time. The store was a complete and utter mess that morning, and I was very pissed and in spite I wrote out everything that he needed to do at close. He didn't do it. He enjoys making our lives a living nightmare. Grishma (my boss) however, interviewed a couple of Chinese girls yesterday. They don't speak too much English, but they seemed VERY friendly and very hard workers. Which would definately be a change from Josh, that lazy asshole. So, it should be interesting working with them that's for sure.

I'm also going to apply for another job at the Fishmarket. It would be in the morning before my classes. I guess it's an easy job, you get paid well, and it opens at 7 in the morning which would be good for me because I could work for 5 hours every morning I had class. That would be so great, I really need the money.

I suppose that's it. Steve and I have been dating for a month now. I miss Justin and them, it sucks without them around :*( The new neighbors aren't nearly as interesting as they are. Damn I miss them.

Alright, I'm out.

In short, you have to get married.

2005-03-30T11:10:00.000-05:00

Merry morning to everyone! And what a merry morning it is. Moi does not have to work today (second day in a row-booyah!) and I think I'm going to dye some Easter eggs, since I've been stuck here the whole time. I got the dye, I just need the eggs and some vinegar. And some cups to put the dye in. That would help also. AND I'm plannoign on making some ubern ummy deviled eggs. *drool* Damn, it's only right to have deviled eggs when it's Easter. Come on now, it's like a rite of passage.

Sadly it didn't come with a crayon so I don't get to draw pretty designs on it.

Cadbury eggs are now on sale. :D

So, I have my two hamsters. And I have a few pictures of those two hamsters.

Is it really sad that I get a kick out of watching them roll in their little balls in a confined area in the living room? It just looked so funny......I was dying of laughter. I wish I could videotape it.

OK yeah I am pathetic. At least I get enjoyment out of the little things you bastard!

2005-03-29T01:18:00.001-05:00

Well. It seems that I have gone insane. I apologize.

Maybe not so much insane as I am tired. I haven't been sleeping too well for the past month or so. The one night of good sleep I got was the night before Steve came over. And that was over two weeks ago. But- my sleepiness is really no surprise. Just a part of the system.

So, what have a I been up to lately? Hmm. I've been working a lot, which is a good thing. However on my paycheck I only got $55, because there were many, many, many taxes which were taken out. And that sucked immensely. But I lucked out because my Dad, being the disgustingly generous father he is, gave me a $300 check for when I had to get my car fixed. I told him I didn't want it. But he sent it to me anyway. *shakes head*

My Dad was actually hospitalized the other week. He was having trouble breathing, and it turns out he had a few blockages in some arteries. They pumped him up with tons of drugs to make them go away. Now he has to change his diet and excercise and such.

I got a couple of hamsters this weekend. They're my babies. The boys' name is Little Man, and the girls' name is Bitch. She bit Casey so she decided Bitch would be her name. Little Man is such a sweetheart though. He likes to wander around and eat stuff that he really shouldn't. He also likes to bury himself in the wood shavings, which is so adorable.

I got them a couple of new balls so they can roll around the room. I'm planning on getting a new cage for Little Man, and getting tubes and such for the both of them. Oy, all my money is going to go to them now. :P

Steve is officialy coming to Pittsburgh for college in Oct., and neither one of us can wait. We're planning on living with each other actually, which should be very interesting. He wanted a kitty but then I convinced him that would be a stupid idea, since we'd have to feed it, take it to the vet, train it, etc. So I think we're just going to stick with the hamsters for a while.

I'm also going to apply for another job, because one job is NOT going to be enough. Well, at least I won't be putting so much money toward food, since I get free pretzels now. So that's good. In a way.

At the place I want to apply, they open at 7 in the morning, so I could work before school until about 12, which would be so awesome. The timing won't be so awesome. But I'll be getting money. And that's a good thing. And I've been told the job is super easy and the pay is very good.

So I guess that's about it. I'll put up pictures of my babies next time. They're so cute!

Almost as cute as Steve! :P

A Deep Sense of Sadness

2005-03-23T11:03:00.000-05:00

A pigeon lands on my balcony
"How wonderful!" I think to myself
As it poops on the cement
When it's really pooping on my life
How ironic it was
To think such a thing was so wonderful
Now I am cursed with a white stain of digested bread
Drying and crusting on my life

2005-03-20T11:42:00.000-05:00

I just love double standards. Hypocrisy is definately the spice of life.

Photo Hut

2005-03-11T15:31:00.000-05:00

I was finally able to get all my pictures (130 some odd amount) onto my computer, so now I can share them with the world. Or at least share them with myself. They are from way back to Valentine's Day. I know. It was a while ago. But these were good pictures nonetheless.

I had told Justin that I would be his Valentine (because he seemed sad and lonely) and that I would bake him a cake. So, being the sugar addicts we are, we bought a LOT of frosting in which to decorate our cake with. It was looking good for a while. But then we went a little crazy....

Here's the triumphant Justin holding the cake he and I decorated for Valentine's Day.

Yup. That's about 1 inch of frosting on there. You could only have a small bite before going into a seizure from high blood sugar.

This is when Casey and I were bored and depressed, so we decided to dye our hair. She highlighted hers, and I was going to put red highlights in mine. Little did I know that only my roots would bleach, leaving me with blond spots about my head. So that's when I covered it all up with black again.

I highlighted Casey's hair...and cut it! I should become a beautician.

I dyed my hair and was rocking the 80s look. A waterfall of hair if you will.

The rest of these pictures are from when I went to Casey's house in Maryland. It was so much fun! We both had a blast. We went to see the play "Pippin" at her former highschool. It was a CRAZY play, but we loved it very much. It was so funny!

Casey and I on her porch swing.

Casey and her kitties.

Scout. She's old, but very cute. She reminded me of a grandma.

Preacher. He was so loving! Quite the sweetheart.

Casey and I wearing the gorgeous fox hats her father made.

I thought I looked damn good.

So I began posing for the camera.

And realized I could set a fashion trend.

I became ecstatic.

And decided I could make a living out of this.

How I loved my fox.

But then it turned on me.

The flashes of the camera sent it into a wild state.

Then he calmed down and we kissed and made up.

So that was our trip. Fun times. I'd love to go back and visit again!

Chubby nubby wubby flubby

2005-03-10T16:54:00.000-05:00

How now brown cow?

Well, my spooning seems to have worked for once, since Steve and I are now dating. Yes, it is a long distance relationship, however we both think we are closer than most couples, because our relationship isn't physical. We talk on the phone every night for hours on end, somewhat forcing us to get to know eachother. And I definately do like him, and he thinks the same about me.

He's coming up next weekend (the 18th) and I am so excited! We are going to watch movies, eat out, go to the movies, the Beehive, have a party. It's going to be fun! I am thrilled that I get to see my hunnie again.

Finals are creeping their way upon me, and damn I've been going non-stop it seems. I have to do my mask, build a building, do a powerpoint, and write a couple papers. Ugh, it just never ends.

On the bright side I am going to Pretzel Time in the mall on Saturday to be trained. If she likes what I do, then I'll be hired. That will be somewhat exciting. To have an actual job and all. I hope I get it! Making pretzels would be fun, for the most part.

I also am going to some woman's house to help her clean. Casey is supposed to come along with me, because I'm paranoid something will happen to me and she needs the money anyhow. The lady is offering between $50-$60. So that's very good. That will be next week.

So that's about it. Oh wait! Casey is moving in! That makes me so happy that she decided to move in, and now we can go crazy with decorations! Her interior design is more of my style, than Des' style is.

Damn it's going to be fun decorating.

I'm a spooning whore

2005-03-01T11:22:00.000-05:00

Hey there Blogger buddy! It's been a while! So here's my update of the info.

Let's see, last week was very fun. On Friday I went dancing, then to the Beehive. I met a couple guys there, Dave and Luke, very nice fellows. I also had met Steve, one of Adam's friends from home (Adam's brother and a bunch of people came down).

The next day I went job hunting with Casey, and we shopped a little (I bought my first pair of jeans!) Then later I went to The Beehive to meet up with Dave, and he asked if we could go on a few dates, and I told him I didn't want to date him, but we remain friends. Which is cool. Although I haven't seen him for a while.

That night I met up with Steve, we cuddled and spooned until about 4 in the morning maybe, when I went to my room cause my back hurt from the couch.

The next day I layed around doing homework, thinking about Steve. I eventually drove all of them to the train station, after giving my number to Steve.

We've kept in touch since, and we both are crushing on each other pretty hard. I feel as if I was in highschool again. It makes me very happy that he feels the same. He's planning on coming back here for the weekend, and I'm going to have the whole weekend planned. EEK I'm excited! I can't wait!

I'm still in a desperate search for a job, with no luck of course.

Last night at 4 A.M. the fire alarm went off, someone pulled it as a joke, but they were arrested.

I'm not going to class today, because I don't feel like walking and I have other homework I really have to do.

Off to work I go!

COFFEE COFFEE COFFEE COFFE

2005-02-15T23:35:00.000-05:00

I've been spending a lot of time at The Beehive, my new found obsession. Coffe. Hot guys. Music. It's heaven for me. Except for all the cigarette smoke. It's a little stinky....but I still enjoy it.

There's this one guy who I've been eyeing up for a few days. Longish, black hair. 5 o'clock shadow. Lip ring. Medium build. Damn he's hot.

My favorite drink? Caramel iced cappuchino.

They have good brownies too. Nice and thick and gooey.

Damn I love that place.

I went there tonight to do homework. I was there for two hours, and I got a lot done. I'm very proud of myself :).

I'm definately going to go there more often to do homework. I'm able to concentrate a lot better there, because strangely, I don't have any distractions.

Except for those cute boys.

It's a very merry birthday!

2005-02-09T15:21:00.000-05:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CASEY DAHLING!

*wish her a happy 19th birthday everyone!*

Get it right

2005-02-08T17:29:00.000-05:00

1. Des and I ARE talking.
2. No I do not drink every fucking night.
3. I'm in hiding waiting for the Zoloft to start working.
4. My sarcasm is hard to understand, if you think I'm angry, TALK TO ME!
5. If you hate me for no reason, expect me to be angry about it.
6. My blog is a place where I write what I am thinking at that moment. If you don't
like it, don't read it, simple as that.
7. I change my mind nearly every second.
8. Don't assume anything about me because you're probably wrong.
9. I am energetic. Don't think I'm drunk because of it.
10. I have ADD. Don't expect me to sit down for long periods of time. It's a hard
thing to do.

Insomniac with David Attell

2005-02-07T01:51:00.000-05:00

No I don't like that show. But I am an isomniac.

Insomnia strikes again
As tired as I can be
Close my eyes for 20 seconds
That's enough rest for me
In a daze all day long
Sun hides and I wake up
Automatically
Two hours in one weekend
None tonight

Your an ice dragon! Congrats! Out of all the
dragons, you are most powerful but do not like
to show it. A rare and special creture, you
have artistic style and are great at expressing
yourself. You think friends and Familly are the
most important, and are a hopeless romantic.
But of course, as ice goes, you can be a little
cold or harsh at times. But not to worry, you
always apoligize later!

What elemental dragon are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are a spring. You are very mellow most of the
time except for the caffine season (which is
year round) but you are also a very nice
person. When people tick you off though God
better save them. lol You are a fairly
socialable person because people know you won't
get mad too easy or seem to. But you are a very
nice peron over all. ^-^

What Season Best Fits You? (anime pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

Well well well, the old fashioned 17th century
vampire, one of my faves. You look for the good
things in life, you posses a lot of classical
class, and follow that of the original
vampires, you have no shame in what you are,
infact you embrace it, you love it and wouldn't
have it any other way. Your wealth is
unspeakable and your way of luring people with
your mystical ways and looks is amazing, and
most people would often call you The
Seductress.

What Kind Of Vampire Would You Be. (New And Improved, With COOL Pics!!!) FOR GIRLS ONLY!!!!
brought to you by Quizilla

You're "You're So Last Summer", you're
always hoping for the best, but in the end you
just get walked all over.

Which taking back sunday song are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I forgot!

2005-02-06T16:50:00.000-05:00

My Feast of the Irish (a.k.a. potato party) was last week, and it was quite the success. Many of the people I invited showed up, some weren't able to or just forgot, but many people came and I got many compliments on my baking-potato skills. Some people left after eating, but still a lot stayed and we watched Shaun of Dead- with my surround sound blasting (damn it was awesome).

I must give thanks to a few people: Thanks to Josh for giving us mashed potatoes which went fast and were very popular; Caleb for making some home fries for us, even though he didn't have any!; Vince for bringing the drinks and the sporks, we would've all been thirsty without you; Renee for bringing the tots, no party is ever complete without them; Casey and Fronz for making the beautiful decorations (even though some people thought the potatoes looked like poop, I think they were good. They just hadn't seen mine...); and thank you to everyone who showed up and had fun!

Some people actually left feeling sick because they ate too much. I definately would like to have another party like that again, maybe when I have more money and am a little more organized (I tried my best). I was proud of myself however that I was able to stay on my budget (I had $21 on me, and I spent exactly $20.28. Yeah, I'm good).

Here are a few pictures from that night.

Love was had by many.

Card games were played (luckily no strip poker).

Renee was a bit excited for the tots.

Michelle just wanted one of Steve's tater tots....

Steve lost.

Did I ask for advice? I'm pretty sure NO.

2005-02-06T01:57:00.000-05:00

Beer

?? Which Alcoholic Drink Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

border="0" alt="Deb">
Deb
(Please rate my quiz)

href="http://quizilla.com/users/retromex/quizzes/Which%20Napoleon%20Dynamite%20
character%20are%20you%3F/"> Which Napoleon Dynamite character
are you?
brought to you by href="http://quizilla.com">Quizilla

In your eyes, people can't seem to see anything
because your eyes are covered up by tears! You
are constantly hurt and depressed... No one
seems to understand how you feel because
everyone is scared to get close to you... You
long to be able to reach out and tell someone
everything, and all of your problems... But you
have no one to tell, or they just don't seem to
want to hear what you have to say. You've been
hurt many times that you don't seem to have any
tears left to shed, or if you do, they're an
endless river flowing... You've started to hide
and bottle up all or your problems and
feelings, hoping that maybe they just will go
away... You want company, but at the same time,
you're scared of it. Your sanctuary is your
room where you can just be alone and try to
throw away all of your aching pains. You're
dark and mysterious and people like you for
that reason. Even if you think you're all by
yourself in the dark, someone is always there
with you. Your special someone wants to admit
and show their feelings towards you, but
they're afraid of how you'll take it. Get out
more and enjoy life because, it is far too long
to frown your way through :)

What Lies Behind Your Eyes? (With Pics, See All Results!)
brought to you by Quizilla

You are PUNK! U like being around those who are
really close to u. You get depressed most times
but you just wanna live!You have alot of
feelings and thoughts inside that you keep to
yourself! sometimes you dont know who to trust.
You have friends that believe in you and know the
real you, which means the most.

Are you GOTHIC, PREP, PUNK,UNIQUE (girls only)
brought to you by Quizilla

~*~*~Natural Beauty~*~*~
You're beauty is natural. You don't need make up or
high quality clothes to make you look nice. You
are most likely popular. Deep down you might
feel a little lonely because all you really
want is people to like you for YOU, not because
you're gorgeous. Don't worry, some people will
understand and see that you are a beautiful
person inside and out. You may have a lot of
friends, but perhaps only a few close friends.
Be careful who you trust. There are a lot of
decieving people out there who might use you
for your looks or popularity. Also, do not
judge people. Just because you're pretty
doesn't mean you should go and make others
feel inferior to you. ( I don't know if you
actually do that, but just in case you do
then...don't!!)

You're Beautiful...but why? ( PICS)
brought to you by Quizilla

You like the prince charming type.

What kind of guy are you most attracted to? (CUTE anime pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

You are a Hip hop Dancer. You are the witty chick
in the gang, you have a special life style and
that makes you different with your own unique
way, your friends love you because they know
they can trust you. Your ideal man is the guy
with a free style not afraid of saying how he
feels, and life is never dull with him.

What kind of dancers are you? (Girls only)
brought to you by Quizilla

What the fuck is with the freakin anime pictures....

My parents are in MA buddies....

2005-02-05T06:10:00.000-05:00

I have no fucking clue what to do with myself any more.

I sleep until about 11 or 12. I stay up until 3 or 4 (tonight it's even later woo hoo), I'm too lazy to excercise, too poor to go out and do stuff, and too boring/ pessimistic/hyper to hang with anyone. I don't know why, I just have wanted to be alone a lot lately, but then again I enjoy some people's company.

I don't know, maybe I've just been seeing too much of the same person, or going through the same shit as before, who knows. Who fucking knows.

So as usual this leaves me confused as hell, pissed off, and just downright, well, down. I can't wait until my check is cleared. Damn I want the check to be cleared so bad. So bad....

I can fill my prescription up, go grocery shopping, and then do some stress releiving shopping. Yes, that would be nice. I need to relieve stress. There is much I have, and I would like to get rid of it.

Casey's gone for the weekend which sucks because I do need my girl time. Too many boys I suppose, too many confusing things going on with all of them. Can't think straight, and get what they're saying straight, maybe they aren't even straight. I really don't kow any more. Nothing anyone says really makes sense any more. Don't know why, it just doesn't. I don't know if someone is joking with me or not anymore. There's a fine line between truth and sarcasm (if you're really good at it) and I honestly cannot tell the difference.

I'm so fucking sick of people ragging on me about things. I left for college early to get away from my overbearing mom, and what have I been getting lately? Yes, I feel like everyone is being my mom. Only they're a little more sarcastic about it.

Let's see, money issues. Ah yes, the never ending money problem of being broke. The roommates got me on that one.

OK, then there's getting drunk. Apparantly I just get drunk everyday. I guess whenever I'm happy or excited or what have you, I must be drunk. There is no WAY I could ever be happy! Nope! Never! Sorry for the enthusiasm guys, I'm just a little drunk!

Here's the newest one. My laugh. yes, it is loud. Yes, it can be obnoxious/annoying. I know that. I hate my laugh myself. However, shouldn't you be glad I'm laughing? I guess my laughing is a bad thing, because Michelle can never be happy. She's supposed to be quiet at all times. ESPECIALLY when there's something funny on. I can't laugh, it's against the rules I guess. No one is ever supposed to laugh. It's not funny, no not at all. Sorry I felt a spark of joy.

Here's another one I've been getting. That I talk too much. I only talk when I'm hyper. Err, I mean not when I'm hyper, I mean when I'm drunk. Yup, I'll just talk talk talk your ear off. Oh, and especially during movies, yes, that's when I strike. I just CANNOT keep my mouth closed! I'm surprised my jaw hasn't fallen off yet! And you can bet I talk in my sleep too! Yup, I just keep on going don't I?!

Can't you just tell I love being talked down to? It's almost as if I were 5 again! Because I have no fucking clue what I'm doing at all! I'm just a bag full of mistakes huh? Don't you agree? I bet you do! I'm just one big ass lazy oaf who mooches off every single person because I am too lazy to do shit! I'm only here to get drunk in fact! Not to get a better education which will help me with my career, not at all! Just drinky drink drink drink.

Well, I must leave now, so that I can get drunk, lose money I don't even have, and go to a movie theater so I can rant about how bad it is to the audience.